Jack of all trades, master of none, but still better than a master of one... until your countertop dissolves.

Last summer I spent three whole hours trying to get this one lump of quartz out of a hillside near my aunt's place in Missouri. Ended up with a chunk the size of my fist that's got this weird rusty orange stain running through it. My buddy Dave who buys his rocks from some dealer in Arizona just laughed and said it looked like a dirty ice cube. But there's something about knowing exactly where that thing came from, you know? I can point to the exact spot on the map where I dug it out. Can't do that with a box that showed up on my porch.

Brew a pot of steam" is such a perfect way to put it. That's the worst kind of failure, when it acts like it's working but just makes a huge mess instead. I'd be sending that thing straight back for a refund.

You said you had to feel your way back by touch, that sounds terrifying. What was going through your head when the light cut out, were you more worried about getting lost or hitting something sharp?

The safety factor is huge, but it's not just the cable. The whole system has to work together, and those cables get worn down over time. I've seen some real sketchy ones that should have been replaced years ago.