That "half of them still use it wrong" part hits home. My buddy bought a green beam last year and was bragging about it on a basement job, then set it up on a wobbly step stool and framed a whole wall off it. Had to tear it out the next day, which cost him way more than the level did.

The "free chicken" part is what gets me. I once drove 40 minutes for a "cheap dining table" and came home with a broken lamp, a bag of golf balls, and a guy's old tax records he forgot to throw out. At least you got a pet out of it, and Claws is a way better name than anything I would have come up with. The hole in the crotch of the costume is just the cherry on top of the whole mess.

Ugly gourds have way more personality anyway. The perfectly carved ones all look the same, but yours is the one people are actually gonna remember and laugh about.